Wondering what you might expect in the UK and don’t want to embarrass yourself by unconsciously offending others? This is the guide for you!
Moving to any new country comes with an expected period of culture shock and adjustment. From different greetings and social customs to how one addresses strangers or behaves in public, each place has its own unique cultural nuances.
As I moved in to the United Kingdom, I quickly realised there were certain unwritten local etiquette rules I needed to learn to avoid awkward blunders as I went through daily life and social situations in my adopted homeland.
To save you the extra time needed for adapting to the UK etiquette and smoothly blend in with Brits, I compiled a perfect guide just for you based on my personal experience since arriving.
Table of Contents
Greeting Etiquette
British people are considered more conservative than most Western cultures, and they are quite reserved to people they don’t know.
Making New Acquaintances
To begin into your journey of making local friends, it is nice to properly introduce yourself when you meet a new acquaintance. Tell people what you would like to be referred to and they would very likely introduce themselves to you too.
Once you get to know them, people will be a lot nicer and more open to you. Some of my friends even like to give light hugs whenever we meet!
Greeting When You Meet Again
It is also accustomed to greet each other when you meet your acquaintances once again. Instead of using “hello”, which is more commonly directed towards people you don’t know, you should greet them verbally by “How are you?” or “You alright?”, or they might greet you first.
These are not genuine questions and people won’t expect you to explain a long chunk of things about what happened to you. The most common answer is “I’m good, and how are you?”. When you hear someone tells you “not bad”, due to the conservative nature of British, you need to be aware that this person is probably not having a good day!
If you meet your acquaintances while walking on street and have no intention to stop and chat, maintain a direct eye contact while putting up a warm smile is greatly valued. Don’t let your peers think you are ignoring them as it is considered rude!
Greeting to Express Gratitude
The British culture is generally friendly and social. When someone else offers you a service, no matter it is part of their job or offered voluntarily, it is really crucial to say thank you to these people.
Some common conditions that British will most likely say thank you (very much) include taking off a bus (more common in smaller cities), finishing with paying at a counter and when someone holds the door for you. It was really weird for me when a gentlemen held the door for me when I was far away and had to run to avoid him waiting for me too long! But anyway, you should still thank him in this case.
And similarly, you should also hold the door for someone else if you observe anyone is near your back. Hold it long enough until they pass the door if you have time.
While as a pedestrian, I also commonly experience drivers that prioritise me and stop when I am about to cross the road. Gently wave your hand to show thank you as they can’t hear you in the car.
Though the rules for saying thank you might be different depending on culture, you will know that you are missing out when a Brit passive aggressively remind you by saying “You’re welcome”, as this is a common phrase used to respond a “thank you”. This is awkward when you receive the sarcastic statement for the first time, but gradually, you will get used to all situations which you are supposed to greet.
Saying Sorry
Britain is a place of “thank you”, “please” and “sorry”. Brits tend to overly apologise for everything.
I even saw people saying sorry to a bin when they excessively kicked it. A very strange but polite habit in my point of view!
Therefore, you are expected the same here. Say sorry whenever you believe you caused a disturbance.
For example, if you accidentally blocked someone’s way and caused them to move unnecessarily, say sorry; if you accidentally kicked someone’s foot under the desk, say sorry even if it means creating noise in a teaching session (which is very much frowned upon in my culture); when you and another person try to speak at the same time, say “sorry, you first” or wait for that other person to say it…
All these sound very complicated to me when I first came as English was never my first language, not to say the fact that my cultural etiquette differs significantly in many aspects.
My advice is to observe how Brits greet in different settings and follow them. A smile and eye contact make positive first impressions and may save you from a lot of troubles.
Social Etiquette
Social etiquette is really just a continuation of our previous section on general greetings, but I will try to go more in-depth to let you aware of how to respond in different situations.
Small Talks
The UK has a culture that embrace small talks. When I first came, I feel like every Brits are just experts in that and have endless topics in small talks. If you come from a culture like me that like to say things straight to the point and eliminate “useless” conversations, you may find this weird at first but gradually appreciate how effective it can be in maintaining relationships.
Here are just some topics that you can use if you ever feel you need some help in maintaining the conversation:
- Weather: British loves to talk about how their weather changes many times within just a day, and hate the rainy and cold climate
- School/Work: This is probably where you and your acquaintance get to know each other, loads of common topics to talk about!
- Transport: Random strangers love complaining with me about our bus when it is late for half an hour, the perfect way to start a dialogue with people you don’t know…
- Food: Brits are proud of their food, and all people I know remember the names and characteristics of each pub in the city by heart…
- Music: I only realised how popular Taylor Swift really is after getting into a friend group filled with Swifties
- Films or TV series: I only start to notice what films are coming up soon as I found out how often people discussing about these, and it’s embarrassing to be left out when people are saying things you don’t understand
- Books (hard if you don’t read at all)
Though there are many things that you can say in a small talk, I would advise against talking about sensitive topics, such as religious, sexual orientation, race issues unless you are very familiar with that person. They could be offended!
Queueing
Queueing is a HUGE etiquette issue in the UK. If you do it wrong, you will be frowned upon.
There are so many hidden rules in queueing, and I got told off once for making it wrong. Now, I’ll share with you what to do to avoid you being in that position as I did.
Obviously, if there is a queue, you should not jump the queue. Go to the end of the queue and wait until it’s your turn. Ask if this is the end of the queue if you’re unsure.
However, there is NOT always an obvious queue for you to follow. Indeed, I often can’t see a queue when I’m waiting for a bus. People just scatter around the bus stop, but during the wait, they are actually secretly remembering who’s in front of them and who’s behind (at least an educated person would definitely do that).
Once the bus arrives, instead of rushing to the bus messily, people will automatically queue according to the sequence they memorised. It is seen as rude if you jump the queue and go ahead of someone that waited at the bus stop before you, even if there isn’t really a queue.
Even if there is ACTUALLY a queue, don’t assume that you’re doing everything right just by lining up at the back. I once got too close (which I did not consider close at that time as my hometown was densely populated and getting close was just a norm to ensure we were not taking excessive spaces) to the lady before me, and she scolded me for having no manners! Very depressing at first but I soon learnt to give huge physical space to people whenever I’m in queues.
In particular, don’t ever head towards the cashier until the one before you has finished packing in a supermarket. They will be very upset by this behaviour, thinking that you are trying to force them away!
Want to maintain good etiquette? Observe, observe, observe…
Public Transport
After queueing the whole time, there are still rules to follow when you are inside a public transport.
Basically, volume is kept low on public transport. Speaking loudly is seen as disruptive and I’ve only seen kids do that.
No one ever eat or drink inside a public transport as well, and I always try to eat a chocolate bar just before I get onto the bus if I’m hungry.
If there are seats, you should go and sit on it instead of blocking the way for other passengers to walk through, particularly if you are in a bus with limited space.
If there are elderly or disabled people that is on board, stand up and let them sit if you are at the front seats. That’s why I try to avoid the front seats as much as possible if there are seats at the back.
When you are sitting next to a stranger and facing the corridor, you should also anticipate when they might be getting off. If they pressed a bell, or started packing their bag, you should be ready to stand up and let them exit when they stand up.
And if you are unsure, you don’t need to ask for permission when sitting to an empty seat next to someone else in a public transport. It is basically expected that people would sit next to them when there aren’t enough seats. I will ask that question only when they put their bags on the empty seat and no other seats are available.
Attitudes
When you first come the the UK, you might wonder why people are so polite and gentle. That’s mainly because they maintain a standard of attitudes and avoid public confrontation.
Remain polite rather than aggressive if issues arise and don’t criticise or challenge people publicly (and rant privately with your best friends only). Brits are known to be quite indirect even when they disagree with you or are dissatisfied with anything.
For example, people might comment your work as “interesting” when they felt it was insufficient. They tend to use positive wordings as much as possible, be careful when interpreting their words (Excellent means Good, Good means Okay, Okay means Barely Okay, and Not Bad means Bad).
To create a friendly atmosphere, it is also very common to praise what you wear. I have received more praises than ever on my T-shirts, trousers, jumpers than ever since I arrived the UK. These may not be genuine, but excellent for relationship building.
In general, to maintain a good social etiquette in the UK, try to blend in by maintaining space, avoiding insensitive remarks and keeping a low profile in public as newcomers get their bearings.
Dining and Tipping Etiquette
It is common for friends to invite you into dining together. As with all other social occasions, you should arrive punctually.
The etiquette to dining all depends on the type of restaurant that you go to. Most cafes require you to go to the counter for ordering food, while some higher class restaurants have servers.
When you want to order something, instead of waving your hand, you should look at the nearby servers in a way that signal them your intention. Waving your hand towards someone is considered impolite.
You may see some of your friends offering to share their appetisers or deserts with you. This is completely fine, but sharing main dish is unusual.
During dining, it is very common for people to ask what you think about your food. The answer depends on how familiar you are with the person you are dining with. I usually say the truth to a very close friend, and for other people, I will say the food is very good even if it really isn’t!
When paying for the bill, British usually splits the bill and pay according to what they order. Tipping is uncommon in the UK, but it is acceptable to pay an extra 10-15% if you want to show your appreciation.
Follow locals’ lead on tipping, counter ordering and meal chat, I’m sure you will soon grasp the gist after trying it out a few times with your local friends!
Home Visits Etiquette
From time to time, you might need to visit someone’s home, or being visited by other people. It is crucial to know what is expected as the etiquette here can be quite specific.
Visiting Others’ Home
When visiting your friend’s home, it is important to note that you should only go there if you are being invited. Don’t arrive without giving a notice, and don’t bring your friends or family members unless you’ve asked. Your friends won’t appreciate such surprises!
It is a norm to be punctual (usually 5 minutes earlier than the said time) in the UK but don’t be too early as your host won’t be ready. If you are running late due to unforeseeable circumstances, it is polite to call the host that you are going to be late.
However, if it’s a gathering, like a birthday party, it is common for people to be 10-15 minutes late.
If this is your friend’s home, it is nice if you can bring a small thank you gift, such as flowers or wine when visiting as a house guest.
Before entering the house, I always ask if I should remove my shoes, as some really cares about that but others may just tell you it’s fine.
Once you enter the house, don’t expect the host to tour you around. For most of my home visits, I only stayed in the living and dining room.
If the host is offering you a cup of tea or coffee, or inviting you for a meal, kindly accept their offer if possible.
And finally, don’t overstay in your friend’s home! Try to observe any polite cues from them which is signalling you to leave.
When Someone Else Visit Your Home
I don’t often invite people to my home, but there are people that have to come for issues like plumbing or wifi installation.
Even if these people aren’t your friends, you should still treat them as your guests.
Offer them a cup of tea or coffee. Brits usually boil water just before they make their tea to ensure that it is boiling hot. Remember to ask their preference, as they might have very specifics requirements in sugar and milk.
If their work is going to continue through lunch time, it is polite to ask them if they want any food. Most workers are used to bringing their own lunch or driving to the nearest place to eat. However, some might appreciate if you have some cakes to offer.
Conclusion
I hope these tips steer fellow newcomers clear of common faux pas I’ve made until I learned the subtle British ways. Mastering cultural etiquette eases integration immensely as we embrace life in a new homeland. Please do share any other helpful UK customs to add to the guide!
